I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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