He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
