so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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