What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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