yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
