my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize