Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
