why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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