Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
