I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
