Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
