Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
