VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
