i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
