did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
