I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Couch. On fire.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
