Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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