Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize