wakey wakey hands off snakey
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
