I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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