I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Say something about gay babies.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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