Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
