Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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