i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize