You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
