Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
