I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
