nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
