Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
