on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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