): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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