i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
