My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
