Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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