awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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