Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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