I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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