Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize