she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
