the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
