a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have post one night stand depression
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