Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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