More tranny stories later!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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