Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
