he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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