the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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