i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
