I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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