We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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