We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
