She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
