I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
