Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
