I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
