Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
