The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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