very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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