at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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