dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
