ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
