2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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