new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
