youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bring me that man meat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
