okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
