i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
