Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
