Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
