I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
