Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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