i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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