he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.