My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space