I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.