i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
