so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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