It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
