yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to calm my uterus...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
