everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
