And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
