I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
