Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
