i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Panties = found
Randomize
